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How to Judge Your Date by Their Beer Choice - (Because you definitely do it anyway.)
- Sandro
- Oct 31
- 3 min read
We’re not in the dating game anymore – luckily. But if we were, this is exactly how we’d do it. Because honestly, dating today looks about as fun as a warm macro lager on a long train ride. There are apps for everything, ghosting is apparently a sport, and people now describe their personality as “rizz.” Whatever that means.
Recently, we read "How to Judge a Date by Their Wine Choices" by Hannah Crosbie in Noble Rot, and we thought: Beer can do this better.
If we ever had to return to that battlefield, we’d skip the tired small talk about “what you do” and get straight to what actually reveals character: the beer order. Forget the shoes, the smile, or the well-rehearsed story about “working in marketing.” Beer tells the truth. It shows whether someone’s adventurous, pretentious, indecisive, or just there for the snacks.
So next time you find yourself staring at a date across the bar, skip the psych games and let the tap list do the talking. In the name of science (and after years of field research), here’s our brutally honest guide to judging your date by their beer choice.
West Coast IPA
They know what they want – and it’s probably bitter. They’ll talk about clarity, balance, and #Simcoe like they’re discussing an ex they still admire. Old-school, confident, slightly stubborn. They think #haze is for people who can’t handle real beer.
Strong opinions guaranteed. Second date optional.
Hazy IPA
Soft lighting, soft music, soft beer. They’re chill, charming, and will definitely say “juicy” without irony. Expect words like “tropical” and “pillowy mouthfeel.” Expect brunch. Expect playlists named “Sunday Vibes.”
If you like people who live inside good lighting and hate #bitterness (in beer and life), you’ve found your match.
Geuze
Congratulations, you’ve found the deep end of the beer pool. They’ll swirl, sniff, and say “brett” like it’s foreplay. They talk #fermentation the way poets talk heartbreak. You’ll nod, pretending to follow, while wondering if “barnyard” is really a compliment. Complex, patient, maybe too smart for Tinder. Keep them.
Pale Ale
Finally, balance. They’re calm, grounded, and probably the first person you’ve dated who remembers birthdays. They love flavor without the drama. The Sierra Nevada crowd. You’ll end up in a proper conversation, maybe even a relationship that lasts longer than a One-Shot release.
Pastry Stout
This could go one of two ways: amazing or unhinged. They order something with marshmallow, #vanilla, or doughnut crumbs and insist it’s “just a #stout.” They’re the fun ones – loud, sweet, slightly chaotic. You’ll laugh, flirt, and wake up wondering how a beer could taste like dessert and regret at the same time.
Double IPA (DIPA)
Danger. They start strong – confident, magnetic, ordering with intent. By the second round, they’re passionately explaining #hop schedules to the bartender while you reconsider your life choices.
They’re bold, #unfiltered, and unpredictable. You’ll either marry them or block them.
Gose
Flirty, curious, maybe slightly unstable. They’ll say things like “I love a bit of salinity” and actually mean it. They’ve got a passport full of stamps, a camera they actually use, and probably once went to #Berlin “for the vibe.”
Fun? Absolutely. Long term? Questionable.
Imperial Stout
Big beer, big energy. They sip slowly, look directly at you, and say, “I like #depth.” They enjoy intensity – in flavor and in life. The kind of person who brings up philosophy before dessert.
A little intimidating, totally fascinating. Proceed with caution.
Session IPA
They’ve got self-awareness. They’re here for a good time, not a blurry one. They’ll drink, laugh, and still remember your name tomorrow.
Responsible, reliable, funny. Possibly already married.
Helles
The minimalist. They like simplicity, but don’t mistake that for boring. They’re over #hype culture, they just want a clean pour and good conversation.
You’ll talk for hours. They’ll pay. You’ll wish you’d met them sooner.
In the end, there’s no right beer – just the one that gives the game away. But if your date orders a Moretti… check, please!
Want to find out what your beer choice says about you? Join us on a Swiss Beer Tour – where we taste, talk, and definitely judge (only a little). Let us know which beer styles you want in part II in the comments!
Cheers,
Your Swiss Beer Tour Team
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